What’s a president to do

Posted on August 5, 2006 - Filed Under Punch Forum |

Edener Benitez Fabella
5 August 2006


How will a newly elected futuristic leader president Fabella lead a nation?

Making effective use of the phone set the way we did as young idealistic people plunking Php0.25 cents in a sari-sari store for hours long telebabad. My first official call is to the members of the CBCP.

Hello Monsignor, please let’s talk. Just take a look everywhere and you need no convincing we are running out of space and have problems controlling numbers. I agree learning addition and multiplication is important. Don’t you think it is time we take urgent efforts in mastering subtraction if we are to apply ‘dibay-dibay’ evenly across the board?

Next call is to JOMA Sison, Ka Roger, Eid Kabalu and JanJalani.

Hello to you all. This is the president let’s talk. Look fellas, enough of this macho camacho stuff okay? I am talking directly to you and extending an olive branch. It is not necessary to involve other countries, diplomats and neither should we spend money travelling abroad so we can talk. Dito tayo sa ating bansa magusap and let’s do one on one tayo tayo na lamang what do you say? There must be a way for us to resolve our differences but killing one another is the dysfunctional way and should stop once and for all. Sit with me in peace and together, let’s forge a working agreement that will last a lifetime. Mas lalo tayong maghihirap kung wala na tayong ginawa kungdi magpatayan. Let me know what you want and I will tell you if it is in my power to accommodate it. Don’t worry I will have the generals locked up while we talk walang double talk sa administration ko.

Next call is to the head of DPWH (I heard people joking that this agency is called ‘Department Populated by Walang Hiyas true?)
YOU’RE FIRED! I am issuing an executive order disbanding this agency once and for all. The milking, sucking, bleeding and mulcting of the Filipino people through low sub-standard infrastructure projects are over. I am bidding out our projects worldwide. I am sure Bechtel Engineering, Union Pacific and Kiemit Construction and those in Japan and U.K. can do better job. It is less painful for us Filipinos to bleed once than bled many times whenever DPWH people do the same job over and over and over without an end.

My last call is for heads of public schools and government offices.

I am ordering portraits of national heroes adorning every school rooms and government offices in the land and to educate everyone on who these are. It is a shame my portrait is hanging instead what is it ego trip? I assume when people voted me, they’ll recognize me without constantly reminding them. So let’s do away with that stuff.

Finally, SONA is another tradition we must let go. I assume, if I do good in my presidency and people from all walks of life are benefiting from it, there’s no need to coral select few so they can wear their fine jewelry and signature clothing at the expense of the people. What president Fabella prefers is called ‘TANGA’ acronym for Tama Na Gloria Arrovo!

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